crying over spilled milk

i. am. irrationally. upset.

i despise, hate, and am disgusted at my moments of irrationally.

i am upset because a friend went on a hike without me.

how stupid is that?!

alright, it's more than that.

it's that i didn't go on this hike by myself because he couldn't go (or thought he couldn't go, i guess he could on one day, just not on the other and making the assumption that we'd save it for another time when we could.

when what i should have done was just gone when i wanted regardless of his feelings and trust that he'd find his way there when he could.

i need to stop making assumptions.

so now, i'm very upset and i have a friend who doesn't understand why i'm very upset (or maybe he will later, i sent him an email apologizing with an explanation).

i was just so incredibly disappointed that all i could feel was upset. and i'm really just more upset at myself for just not doing what i wanted to do, which was to go on a hike.

and i think part of it is just jealously. that he got to do two great hikes in the last few days, both that i really wanted to do but haven't gotten a chance to do because of the responsibilities that have been handed to me, as well as the ones that i've chosen to take on.

so here i am, up later than i should, crying over spilled milk. hating myself for my irrationality, unable to sleep because i am upset, and wanting to rewind a few days and start this weekend all over.

gosh, i am a dumb, stupid girl.