something new

i can only take a deep breath and think "finally."

finally since dad passed, i am having a good day. where i feel centered, fulfilled, and connected. my heart feels light, my head is clear, and i feel as if i am living life in the way that i was always meant to.

i don't know what has caused this feeling or how long it will last, but i am grateful, thankful, and consuming it with greed.

i have so many moments, hours, days, and weeks where i feel
anxious
depressed
frustrated
lost
exhausted
pained
sad
angry

but today, for however long that this lasts, i feel happy and content.

i am happy that one friend is recently engaged, and two others with weddings in june and november.

i am happy to realize that i have struggled to maturation in some things

i am content with finishing my master's degree in the fall

i am happy for the beautiful weather, the hikes, and to be with friends

i am content with feeling strangely connected to God, when i have struggled with Him for so long

i am happy knowing that i will begin something new in january, and content with feeling that i can accomplish everything i need to for my family before i leave


i'm going to hang on to this as long as i can and struggle to remember it when it has gone away.