dream dreaming

i was talking to my mom last night and we agreed...that since dad died every day seems like a bad dream that we just can't shake.

i had a dream last night. a real one.

the entire family was on the family vacation we were planning on doing and never had time to do.

there was a raffle on the beach, and somehow dad got called as the winner. i forget what he won, but it was awesome. i went back to play in the ocean. the waves were incredible, i was body surfing with my brothers, and were just laughing.

when we went back to the beach, dad had just won again and it was the grand prize...a brand new truck. it was so incredible and awesome. i couldn't believe it. i grabbed my phone and called one friend who didn't answer.

then another who didn't answer.

all i wanted to ask was if this was a dream. if i was really on the beach. if my dad was really alive. if this was really happening. if the happiness was real. because it's so good it HAD to be true.

i picked up my phone again and somehow was listening to a conversation between the two friends i had tried to call earlier. both were telling the other person how they didn't have the time to deal with my grief. with the mourning of my dad. telling the other person that they had to deal with it.

i went back to dad and the family. it was his birthday. i don't know if we sped up in time to january 2 or if we went back in time. i couldn't sing. all i could do was turn to him and remind him he was dead.