resisting a premonition
i had a premonition some time ago that my life would not be "normal" for quite some time.
that somewhere along the way, i had tipped the event that would begin this new life. i like to pinpoint it to april 2006--but really, it had to be building up long before then.
while i wasn't sure at the time whether i would eventually welcome change...i accepted it. admittedly, a part of me was waiting for it to be over because among the incredibly awesome experiences, there were the unbearably bad.
i said to a friend several months ago that there was so much i wanted to tell him, but how i couldn't. that i had a feeling that "this" was all the beginning of an awesome life that i could not possibly imagine. that i could ride this wave or let it sweep my feet from under me.
the bad has been bad, but if i look ahead i can see where it is beneficial. the lessons that i've learned and how they will be valuable for this new life ahead.
thing is, i realized lately that i had been resisting this change. and resisting change is neither riding the wave or letting it sweep my feet from under me. it's as futile as standing on the shore before a tsunami, hands outstretched in front of me, and in a booming god-like voice saying: "STOP BECAUSE I SAY SO."
that just doesn't work.
at least when i let the wave sweep my feet from under me, i can roll with the punches. i'll end up all wet, but still be able to pick myself back up, shake off some of the wet and give it another go.
so here's to a new realization. a greater sense of acceptance of life as it is and has been. i've changed in so many ways in the last year, but in the end i'm still me. you might disagree. but hell, i don't care.
fuck yes.
that somewhere along the way, i had tipped the event that would begin this new life. i like to pinpoint it to april 2006--but really, it had to be building up long before then.
while i wasn't sure at the time whether i would eventually welcome change...i accepted it. admittedly, a part of me was waiting for it to be over because among the incredibly awesome experiences, there were the unbearably bad.
i said to a friend several months ago that there was so much i wanted to tell him, but how i couldn't. that i had a feeling that "this" was all the beginning of an awesome life that i could not possibly imagine. that i could ride this wave or let it sweep my feet from under me.
the bad has been bad, but if i look ahead i can see where it is beneficial. the lessons that i've learned and how they will be valuable for this new life ahead.
thing is, i realized lately that i had been resisting this change. and resisting change is neither riding the wave or letting it sweep my feet from under me. it's as futile as standing on the shore before a tsunami, hands outstretched in front of me, and in a booming god-like voice saying: "STOP BECAUSE I SAY SO."
that just doesn't work.
at least when i let the wave sweep my feet from under me, i can roll with the punches. i'll end up all wet, but still be able to pick myself back up, shake off some of the wet and give it another go.
so here's to a new realization. a greater sense of acceptance of life as it is and has been. i've changed in so many ways in the last year, but in the end i'm still me. you might disagree. but hell, i don't care.
fuck yes.
posted by le rawr at 7:57 AM
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