in light of foley

similar to foley, i've kept secret of my former loves. i feel it is time to embark on a mission of complete transparency.

hah. fuck that shit.

however:

i've learned that one of the best ways to gain perspective is to undress and lay it out in the nude. to become accountable for your thoughts, even if they're now stale:

JANUARY 6, 2006
i am in like with you.

not love. not lust. but like.

you are constantly on my mind,
like some goddamn broken record

doesn't help that you call every day
not that i don't wait for it
hold my breath for the quick succession of rings

(and if you were to stop calling?
would i cease to ever breath again?)

i told you this once before
and, conveniently, we forgot about it--
both the disclosure and the rejection--
moving on, still best friends

but the like still remains, just as strong
stronger maybe?
grateful that the first confession didn't ruin a friendship
hurtful that it was the best i could be grateful for
guilty for feeling the same way still

i know the boundaries.
i've accepted it for what it is.
this is an unrequited like with a friendship at stake.
and i am unwilling to spare myself this hurt
by abandoning you and this friendship.
thus furthering my limbotic state.

NOVEMBER 6, 2005
an intense desire to run away
manifested in midnight miles
shin splints
bursting lungs
and tears disguised as raindrops

this is a recycled enlightenment

a continental journey traveled
and permanently i stayed
haphazardly homeless
fueled on impulse
an unexpected marriage of coincidence and desire

i left heartbreak at home (but not the potential stowaway)

[speaks] a stranded thread of soul:
build walls
brace for the perfect storm
embrace the emotion starter package (version 3.1)
and weather this unfortunate attraction

this is a heart-sponsored marathon

please, won't you come sit on my wall?
break it down
cry for the photo finish
and keep this silly girl from running
soon, there will be little left to run to

and i've only just got here.